I discovered ‘When I Hit You‘ through reader-members of a book group I am part of. It looked like a tough read but a book which was hard to resist. I couldn’t. I read the book slowly but read most of it in a day. Here is what I think.
‘When I Hit You‘ is a story told in the first person. The unnamed woman narrator talks about how she fell in love with a professor and married him. She is a writer, is widely read, has a deep and wide intellect, and has leftist leanings. He seems to have similar thoughts to hers in many things. But after they get married, things unravel slowly. He undermines her in every way, takes away her freedom slowly, first in small ways, by inflicting violence on himself and emotionally blackmailing her and then in big ways. Then he starts beating her when she defies him and violently rapes her. Will our nameless heroine get out of this bleak, violent situation before it gets too late? You should read the book to find out.
What do I think about the book? First, I love the subtitle of the book – ‘a Portrait of the Writer as a Young Wife‘. Totally love the nod to James Joyce here. Second, there is a beautiful quote at the beginning of every chapter. Each of them is beautiful, powerful, thought-provoking and made me contemplate a lot. I loved that too. What about the story? It is dark, bleak and hard to read. Our heart despairs for the nameless heroine as she sinks more and more into the dark place, the black hole, that is her marriage. We want her to come out of it, to escape, to run away, to leave this devil’s house, but the devil aka her husband breaks her down in every way and at the end of every day our heroine has sunk more into the dark pit. But, inspite of the dark, bleak emotional landscape, the prose is beautiful. It flows like a serene river taking us on a beautiful ride, showing us sights and smells and sounds which are beautiful, wonderful, delightful. Meena Kandasamy is clearly an intellectual heavyweight, but she wears her intellect lightly on her sleeve. She takes the reader by their hand, shows them the landscape, explaining things like our favourite teacher or our mother would – about the relationship between men and women, about the depth and inadequacy of language, about the infinite varieties of love, about the relationship between parents and children, about communism and capitalism and the grey areas in between, how we get used to and normalize violence within our family, about how one would go to any lengths to save a marriage, about silence and speech and how sometimes silence is louder than speech, about the rare words which describe beautiful things which are unique to a particular language and culture – Meena Kandasamy talks about these and other fascinating themes, topics, questions. Sometimes she gently takes us deeper into a topic and it happens so quietly that we don’t even realize it till we notice that we are in the middle of the intellectual ocean, swimming, and thinking complex thoughts. The prose is elegant but also tight – there are no rambling passages, no superfluous sentence, no wasted word. It is brilliant.
This book made made me think of all the women who have suffered in marriage, most of them silently, many of them withstanding emotional violence, some of them physical and sexual violence. Women like my mom, like Nora from ‘The Doll’s House‘ and countless others that I knew or read about. This book might open some old wounds if one has seen or experienced something similar. It is not for the faint-hearted.
I have read Indian writing / literature in English since I was a kid. I have seen writers write for an international audience, hoping to impress British and American readers and literary prize judges. Then I have seen writers write books on contemporary themes which capture the imagination of the young, modern, urban Indian, like the campus novel or the office romance. I have also seen writers interpret mythology in contemporary ways and make it engaging for the young audience. But I have always wondered – where are the novels that talk about people like me? Or a woman like my mom or some of my friends? Where are the novels which talk about the conflict between parents and children? Where are the novels which talk about how constitutional freedom is nonexistent in the family? Where are the novels which talk about how religious rituals and tradition rule supreme in modern families? Where are the novels which talk about how utilitarian courses of study are winning over the arts and how we all are complicit in it? Where are the novels which talk about the conflict between science and religion that every Indian faces and how religion and tradition almost always win? Where are the novels which depict the actual state of the Indian marriage? There are novels and stories on these themes in many Indian languages – I have read some of them and they are great. There are American and British and French and German and Spanish and Japanese novels on many of these themes. But they are rare and nonexistent in English novels written by Indian writers. I have always wondered why Indian writers in English refused to explore these rich, complex themes, why they were running away from it. It was like the elephant in the room. And along comes Meena Kandasamy and breaks all past stereotypes and shackles and lights the fire in the room and it depicts the scene in all its blazing glory. It is so bright that it hurts our eyes. For that, I am thankful.
I loved ‘When I Hit You‘. Or ‘a Portrait of the Writer as a Young Wife‘, if you like that title more. It is one of my favourite books of the year and I think one of the most important books I have read. This book heralds a new, powerful, brilliant voice in Indian literary fiction, the likes of which we have never seen, and I hope and pray that Meena Kandasamy has many more novels left in the tank. I can’t wait to find out what she comes up with next.
I will leave you with some of my favourite passages from the book.
There is a distasteful air of the outlaw that accompanies the idea of a writer in my husband’s mind. A self-centeredness about writing that doesn’t fit with his image of a revolutionary. It has the one-word job description : defiance. I’ve never felt such a dangerous attraction towards anything else in my life.
I write letters to lovers I have never seen, or heard, to lovers who do not exist, to lovers I invent on a lonely morning. Open a file, write a paragraph or a page, erase before lunch. The sheer pleasure of being able to write something that my husband can never access. The revenge in writing the word lover, again and again and again. The knowledge that I can do it, that I can get away with doing it. The defiance, the spite. The eagerness to rub salt on his wounded pride, to reclaim my space, my right to write.
I think what you know in a language shows who you are in relation to that language. Not an instance of language shaping your worldview, but its obtuse inverse, where your worldview shapes what parts of the language you pick up. Not just : your language makes you, your language holds you prisoner to a particular way of looking at the world. But also : who you are determines what language you inhabit, the prison-house of your existence permits you only to access and wield some parts of a language.
Hope – as the clichΓ© goes – is the last thing to disappear. I sometimes wish it had abandoned me first, with no farewell note or goodbye hug, and forced me to act
.
Have you read this book? What do you think about it?
What a beautiful review Vishy, more than a review, it is like the first answer to a previously unvoiced question. It is a good sign that literature like this is emerging, I’m sure it will provoke an important and timely discussion, one that is needed everywhere. Thank you for bringing it to our attention, I will indeed look out for it too.
Glad you liked the review, Claire π I loved what you said – that it is like the first answer to a previously unvoiced question. So beautifully put! I hope you like this book. Will look forward to hearing your thoughts. Happy reading!
This sounds like a very important novel. I’ve ordered a copy…
Hope you like it, Lisa. Will look forward to hearing your thoughts. Happy reading!
What a stellar review, Vishy. Just a few minutes ago I was reading a list of fourteen books to read in August. At first one looked quite good, until it was described as a book “not for the faint of heart.” It was a story about a fourteen year old girl abused by her monster of a father. My first thought was, “What would Vishy think of this?” I think it is not unusual to shy away from these stories, especially in summer when the weather is lovely and we long for languid, beautiful things.
Your review was so impressive because you approached specifics in Indian literature that possibly many readers hadn’t thought of. My knowledge of Indian literature was confined to literature about India, by English writers in my uni days. With profuse thanks to you I have begun to see what is most likely the tip of the iceburg in Indian literature, but certainly a beginning for me. That has had a huge impact on me as it was really a blind spot before. I hadn’t thought to analyze Indian literature through contemporary issues. This is very exciting because we see society in a far different way than we would through magazine articles, or the newspaper.
Your book group sounds so special, and so important….much to share and analyze. What could be better.
I think that this book must go onto my TBR list. I don’t think that I will try it this summer, but definitely a book to provide gripping thought on a blustery cold day.
I will also follow the author on Goodreads.
Thanks ever so much for this thought provolking review.
Glad you liked the review, Heidi. Thank you for your kind words π I liked what you said about shying away from such hard-to-read stories during summer. Glad to know that you are loving Indian literature. Happy to do my bit in helping you π My new book group is very interesting. Most people read so heavily that I am feeling like an amateur there π But it is fun to have bookish intellectual conversations with the members. I hope you enjoy reading this book. Will look forward to hearing your thoughts on it. Happy reading!
[…] When I Hit You by Meena Kandasamy – a novel about marital violence and abuse – dark, bleak and […]
Claire just linked me to your blog and I followed. This is a great review of a book that I haven’t yet read but am intrigued by. I look forward to reading more from you too.
Thanks for stopping by, Karen π Glad to know that Claire linked you to my blog. Glad you liked this review. This book is powerful and intense and though sometimes it is hard to read, it is also an important one to read. If you get to read it, I would love to hear your thoughts. Looking forward to having bookish conversations with you.