I discovered Emma Brockes’ ‘She Left Me the Gun’ through Claire’s (from Word by Word) review of it. Something about the book pulled me in – probably a combination of the main theme of the book, the subtitle ‘My Mother’s life before me’ and what I read in Claire’s review. I read memoirs only once in a while, but I thought I should read this. I finished reading it yesterday and here is what I think.
‘She Left Me the Gun’ is Emma Brockes’ memoir about her mother. Emma Brockes’ mother had come from South Africa to work and live in London in the ‘60s, and Emma has heard some stories about that from her mother while growing up. But she doesn’t know why her mother moved so far away from her family to live in a different country. She also gets to know that her mother has a large family – many brothers and sisters, some of whom visit England – and Emma doesn’t know how her mother managed to live away and apart from them for decades. Her mother hints in passing about some kind of dark secret about her past, concerning her father and the case she filed against him in the South African court and promises to tell Emma more about it in the future. Unfortunately, that conversation never happens and Emma’s mother dies of cancer. Later, Emma decides to do some research into the case that her mother filed against her grandfather and she discovers some shocking things about her grandfather. Emma decides to travel to South Africa and meet her uncles and aunts and find out more. The rest of the book is about Emma’s journey to the past and what she discovers there about her mother’s life before she was born and the secrets that she uncovers about her mother’s family.
I found Emma Brockes’ memoir quite interesting and at times depressing. At the beginning of the book she says,
“Like most children, the life my parents led before I was born was a rumor I didn’t believe in.”
This is a sentence which most of us would probably relate to and agree with. When Emma starts her journey into her mother’s past, she discovers a totally different woman and facets of her mother’s personality that she didn’t even know existed. She also gets to know the shocking secrets of her mother’s life and the way her mother has survived the trauma to reinvent herself and rediscover happiness. And during her journey to South Africa she also gets to know the country and its people and discover her relatives and learn to like and understand them in different ways.
I don’t know what else to say about the main theme of the book, because they will all be spoilers. I was quite disappointed with the book description on the inside flap, which was a summary of the book, which revealed most of the surprises. I think book descriptions and book blurbs should inspire the reader to read the book and discover more, rather than giving a summary of the book and revealing surprises for the reader. Earlier, introductions written for books used to do that – reveal spoilers – but now book blurbs are doing that. It is sad. Emma Brockes herself hints at the dark secrets in her mother’s life and we more or less know what it is. I wish the revelations had come out gradually and naturally. After around three-fifths of the book is over, the book takes a bit of a roller coaster ride because Emma Brockes starts talking more about her South African experiences – her exploration into South African history, her trip to Soweto, her meeting of Nelson Mandela – which weakens the main focus of the book. Luckily, after a while, the book returns back to its main theme – her mother and her family history.
Having given the bad news, now I have to state the good news. ‘She Left Me the Gun’ is a beautiful book. It is depressing and haunting, because of the events it describes and the secrets it reveals. But it is beautiful too, because of the way Emma’s mother comes out of the traumatic events which affected her to build a life which is filled with beauty and happiness and brings joy and happiness and camaraderie to the people who touch her – her family, her friends, her colleagues, her boss. Though the secrets revealed are dark and depressing, the book is ultimately life affirming and I loved the book for that.
I also liked other aspects of the book – the cover was beautiful, soft to the touch with a matte finish. The font was beautiful and it was a pleasure to read.
While reading the book, I wondered about something. Emma Brockes is British but I read the American edition of her book. I wondered how the spellings of some of those ‘problem’ words would be – will the editors include the ‘u’ or leave it out, in words like ‘colour’ (‘color’) and ‘humour’ (‘humor’), and will they substitute ‘c’ for ‘s’ in words like ‘practise’ and ‘advise’. I like doing such quirky things – trying to catch the editor off guard – and it was interesting when I started looking for such words in this book. I spotted three words and discovered that the spelling was all inconsistent and that made me smile and I stopped there. The three words I noticed were ‘humour’ (the ‘u’ is intact – British spelling), ‘practicing’ (the ‘s’ has been replaced by the ‘c’ – American spelling) and ‘demeanor’ (the ‘u’ has been left out – American spelling). It made me wonder whether the American editor missed out the first word during the editing process or whether this was the spelling adopted by the author herself and the editor had let them be. It also made me wonder what happened when a 19th century (or earlier) British classic was published by an American publisher – do they delete the ‘u’ and replace every ‘c’ with an ‘s’ in the concerned words? The tyranny of spelling variations 🙂
I enjoyed reading ‘She Left Me the Gun’. Enjoyed is actually the wrong word. It left a deep impression on me. It was depressing, haunting, inspiring and life-affirming. I hope to find out what Emma Brockes comes up with next.
Have you read ‘She Left Me the Gun’? What do you think about it?
Vishy's Blog 
Wonderful review Vishy. I will be careful not to read the inside flap for this one. This book surely goes into my wish list. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Thanks Buvana. Glad to know that you liked it. Hope you enjoy reading the book. Will look forward to hearing your thoughts on it, whenever you get around to reading it.
When I type a quote with English spelling (honour, not honor) my very American spell checker flags the word. I never feel at ease with this. Do I Americanize the spelling or leave it as the publisher intended?
Yes, that is a problem, Nancy. I am guessing that if we change the dictionary to ‘British English’ those red lines would disappear, but I haven’t tried it and so I am not sure. I have got used to those red lines now.
What an appealing review. Litlove reviewed this about two weeks ago and loved it very much. I think the only reservation she had was that you don’t hear all that much about the author’s feelings. It sounded a bit too dark for me but since you and Claire like it so mauch as well, I’ll have to think about getting it. 🙂
I never thougth of checking how the British/American words are edited. Quite a funny idea. I’m not surprised it was inconsistent.
Thanks Caroline. Nice to know about Litlove’s review. I would agree with her that we don’t hear much about the author’s feelings in the book. Most of it is as if a detached journalist had written it. It is a bit dark, but it is also inspiring because of the way the author’s mother puts her past behind and gets on with her life and finds happiness. I also liked some of the discoveries that the author makes about her mother – like when she thought her mother was boring in some ways but it turns out that her mother had a fascinating and exciting side which she hadn’t seen. I would love to hear your thoughts on the book if you get to read it.
I thought it will be fun to check the spelling of these British / American words 🙂
Well the book blurb might’ve spoilt the story, but your review only gives possibilities 🙂 The book sounds very dark but interesting, too, and likely shocking.
I often notice the differences in spelling, and prefer it best when the spelling is chosen in accordance with how the author wrote it. So I prefer the UK editions of American books to be without the u and so forth. I probably ‘shouldn’t’ think that way, but it just makes sense to me.
Thanks Charlie 🙂 The book is dark but ultimately inspiring and life affirming. I liked very much what you said about spelling – that what the author writes should be what is finally there in the book. I hope editors use this as a standard practice.
This sounds interesting and I’m shocked that the inside flap revealed too much of the book. I hate spoilers and that would anger me. So if I pick up this book, I know not to read the copy on the cover. I find it interesting about the American and British spelling. I’m finding now that I’ve lived in London for a couple of years I’m spelling some words differently, but the majority I still use the American version. Who knows what will change in another two years.
Yes, the summary of the book on the inside flap made me feel disappointed, TBM. I don’t mind spoilers in book reviews (of book bloggers, for example), because sometimes the reviewer wants to analyse the book from different perspectives. But spoilers in the blurb – that is a strict ‘no, no’ for me. It was interesting to read your thoughts on American and British spelling. I will check with you after two years on how you are spelling colour and practise 🙂
Hi Vishy, I left a comment here yesterday, but I fear it went in your spam folder.
Sorry to know that, TBM. Thanks for telling me about this. I just got your comment moved here. I don’t know why this happened – it is so strange and surprising.
It’s so annoying when the blurb reveals too much about a book! Thanks for this review, it’s the second one I’ve read of this book (I also read Litlove’s), and since you both loved it, I just might add it to my reading list – although said reading list is already very full and I’m not in the mood for something this dark right now, I don’t think… for a later time it is.
Glad to know that you liked the review, Bettina. Hope you get to read this book and like it. I would love to hear your thoughts on it, whenever you get to read it. Yes the blurb thing was annoying – I have decided to be more careful about reading blurbs from now on. I normally read introductions to a book after I finish reading the book. I will do that with the blurb too. It defeats the purpose of the blurb, unfortunately.
[…] themselves – the circumstances that leads someone to deliberately change their lives. Vichy’s Blog reviews a memoir by Emma Brockes, She Left Me the Gun: My Mother’s Life Before Me. Brockes’ […]
A wonderful and considerate review Vishy and I am pleased that you went out and read this after reading my own review. It is a haunting read and although it is revealing in some ways, there is much that can only be deduced from reading between the lines, those things left unsaid.
It is not easy to speculate, but Emma’s mother clearly made a significant sacrifice in moving permanently to another country and then living in a village, from being part of a large, connected family, to living in such isolation must have been a huge change and difficult at times, knowing that even though the memories were behind her, so too were those she loved.
It may be a reflection of Emma Brocke’s youth and quite fierce protection of her mother and preservation of what they did have, that she doesn’t allow herself to go too deeply into her own relationship with her mother, to explain how what she learned may have affected her, it is quite a contrast for example with how Maya Angelou speaks about her mother, but the wisdom of 80 plus years is quite something else.
But good on her for putting the story together as she was uncovering it and deciding not just with her family but also with her readers, just how much she would reveal of the inner story.
Thanks for reviewing the book and recommending it, Claire. I wouldn’t have discovered it otherwise. I liked your comparison of Emma Brocke’s and Maya Angelou’s writing styles. I would love to read Maya Angelou’s books sometime. Which one of her books would you recommend that I read first? I agree with you that it would have been tough for Emma’s mother to leave her family and move to a new country. I can’t imagine how it must have been for her – especially being away from her brothers and sisters to whom she was like a second mother.
This paragraph:
“While reading the book, I wondered about something. Emma Brockes is British but I read the American edition of her book. I wondered how the spellings of some of those ‘problem’ words would be – will the editors include the ‘u’ or leave it out, in words like ‘colour’ (‘color’) and ‘humour’ (‘humor’), and will they substitute ‘c’ for ‘s’ in words like ‘practise’ and ‘advise’. I like doing such quirky things – trying to catch the editor off guard – and it was interesting when I started looking for such words in this book. I spotted three words and discovered that the spelling was all inconsistent and that made me smile and I stopped there. The three words I noticed were ‘humour’ (the ‘u’ is intact – British spelling), ‘practicing’ (the ‘s’ has been replaced by the ‘c’ – American spelling) and ‘demeanor’ (the ‘u’ has been left out – American spelling). It made me wonder whether the American editor missed out the first word during the editing process or whether this was the spelling adopted by the author herself and the editor had let them be. It also made me wonder what happened when a 19th century (or earlier) British classic was published by an American publisher – do they delete the ‘u’ and replace every ‘c..”
reminded me that i love how you think.
Glad to know that you liked that paragraph, Linda 🙂 I love doing things like this 🙂
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