Book Review – A Note of Madness by Tabitha Suzuma

I read Tabitha Suzuma’s ‘Forbidden’ last year. I liked it so much that I wanted to explore other works of hers. Whenever I discover a new writer and like one of her/his works, I try to read the first book of that writer. So I thought I will get Tabitha Suzuma’s first book, ‘A Note of Madness’. I finished reading it yesterday. Here is what I think.

 

‘A Note of Madness’ is about a classical music student, Flynn. Flynn discovers one day that his emotional state moves to sudden extremes. One day he feels very energetic. He goes for a midnight run. He doesn’t sleep for the next few days and tries to compose an opera. Then suddenly the bubble bursts and he doesn’t want to even get out of home. He doesn’t want to attend classes and he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He feels depressed all the time. Flynn’s best friends are Harry and Jennah. Flynn loves Jennah, secretly. But he is scared that Jennah won’t love him back the same way and so doesn’t reveal his true feelings to her. Jennah loves Flynn. But she waits for him to make the first move. Flynn’s episodes of high energy and high depression continue for a while and one day, on the eve of an important recital, things become too much and he tries to jump out of the window. Flynn’s brother Rami, who is a doctor, takes him to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist diagnoses Flynn with bipolar disorder and prescribes lithium to him. Flynn starts taking medication but discovers that the medicine deadens his mind – he doesn’t feel depressed but he doesn’t feel excited too. It looks like he is incapable of both agony and ecstasy and the medicine has eliminated both the lows and highs of life. He feels dull all the time and after attending classes he prefers sitting at home and watching TV. One day he stops taking lithium. Sometime after that Jennah tries expressing her love to Flynn, but he pushes her away without meaning too. And things get worse from there. Does Flynn get cured of his bipolar disorder or does he learn how to manage it? Does his music career get back on track? Is he able to convey his true feelings to Jennah and does she accept him? The answers to these questions form the rest of the story.

 

‘A Note of Madness’ is a study in depression. It shows what happens when a talented young person suddenly faces the onslaught of manic depression and how his life changes irrevocably. It is one of the most realistic stories on depression that I have read. The main character in the story, Flynn, reminded me of the character Leonard in Jeffrey Eugenides’ ‘The Marriage Plot’. However, I found the portrayal of Flynn more convincing and real. After reading the story, I also discovered the difference between clinical depression and manic depression. One of my favourite passages which describes how Flynn thinks about the situation he is in, is this :

 

I feel as if someone close to me has died, or as if I’ve suffered some terrible loss. Yet nothing bad has happened and there is no reason for me to feel this way. A few days ago I believed I could write an opera, I was a musical genius and playing was effortless fun. I loved my friends, I loved my life. But now, just existing is pure agony and all I want is escape. Escape from this world, escape from this life, escape from myself.

 

Another of my favourite passages is this :

 

Go Rami, he silently implored him. You can’t help me, nobody can. You’ll never understand. You have no idea what it is like to be inside my body, my brain, my mind! Trying to describe my life and feelings to you is like trying to describe colours to the blind, or music to the deaf. It’s simply not possible. We may exist side by side, we may share the same blood, the same upbringing, but our minds exist in different worlds. You exist in the world of the rational, the world where every problem has a logical solution, every question has an answer. Can’t you see that none of my problems have solutions, my questions can’t be answered? Nothing in my irrational brain can be solved by your common sense, none of my pain can be shared by your structured emotions? In my world black is white, one and one never makes two and agony and ecstasy lie irrevocably intertwined. The only way to understand it is to share it and I would never wish this existence upon anybody, not even my worst enemy. You may try and sympathize, help and care with all your soul, but you will never, never understand.

 

There are many beautiful passages on music in the book. My favourite music passage is this:

 

The piece was made up of drops of icy water melting from an overhanging tree. Each simple note caused a stab of bittersweet pain as it fell against his skin like a pebble into still water, sending shivers down his spine. Flynn felt as if he could taste each note, feel it inside him, and as the late-afternoon sunlight slanted over Professor Kaiser’s dusty study, it was almost too much to bear. He came to the end of the piece and immediately wanted to play it again, to experience again the intense sensations created by nothing more than a simple arrangement of notes, longing for the piece once more like fresh juice on a hot summer’s day. Each note was more poignant than the last, more exquisite, until you didn’t feel as if another could surpass it and then one did and it was utterly overwhelming, so much so that your chest ached and your eyes stung and your whole body felt as if it would burst.

 

I also liked the character of Jennah in the story. I wish her character was explored in more depth and the story of her and Flynn’s love for each other was given more space. But the book is more about depression and so the love story is just a subplot in it. I was however pleasantly surprised when I discovered that this book has a sequel ‘A Voice in the Distance’ which gives more importance to the character of Jennah. I can’t wait to read that.

 

I liked ‘A Note of Madness’ very much. It is a study of depression, of love, of fear, of brilliance. It is beautiful, brilliant, and scary. I can’t wait to read its sequel ‘A Voice in the Distance’ to find out what happened to Flynn and Jennah.

 

Have you read ‘A Note of Madness’? What do you think about it?